I HAD MY FIRST TREATMENT

Good Evening my friends. I mistakenly posted this post on Susan's Hearts and Flowers. I went back to delete the post because I want that blog to be positive. I just want to thank every one for their support and prayers. You all mean so much to me that words can not express. I know that all your prayers and positive thoughts for me made the difference in my prognosis. You are greatly loved. I had my first radiation treatment today. I have such a vivid imagination, that I totally scare myself to death. I kept thinking a radiation beam would shoot me and it would be painful or burn me really bad. Of course these fears were irrational. The staff was very competent in letting me know that I would not feel anything. They were right. It was a piece of cake. The machine did all the work,I just had to lay there. I have had so many people look at my breast through this process. I told the technician today if one more person ask to see my breast " I was charging admission" Going through this journey has caused me to face my own mortality. The prognosis for me is very very good. The risk is low for the cancer to come back. The doctors have stated this to me. However, I have to admit, I still have my fears. Scriptures state that perfect love cast out fear. I pray for that perfect love and ask forgiveness because I am not there yet. I realized as I traveled this journey that I am not so much afraid of dying but of giving up this wonderful life I am living. The thought of not existing is very overwhelming to me. I know that God is in control. I know that he has walked every step of this journey with me, I have asked forgiveness for lack of faith and having this fear. You are all greatly loved Susan

Update on visit with Radiation clinic

Good Afternoon! This will be a brief update on my visit to the radiation clinic yesterday. It went well. For some reason in my mind I thought the process was going to be so much more complicated my first visit. I had a vision that I would be standing up, and they were going to mold my body into this thing and would be very uncomfortable. I do not know how I thought that is what she told me. The set up was very easy and I was very comfortable. I had to undress from the top down to my waist. I had to lie on a scanner my bottom was kind of lifted. My two arms were pulled back over my head and placed into these cuff like things. She scanned my body to set up the lasers so she could mark where the radiation would be directed. Then she marked my chest area with big black X's. Well the x's were on little round bandaid like things. She told me I could shower daily as usual but not to scrub the marks. The marks have to stay visible or she would have to "mold me again". I go for my first treatment December 26th. I will keep you updated on what happens there. God Bless the families of the Connecticut school. Just when we think we have it so bad, a tragedy happens to someone else and we see how truly blessed we are. May Gods light shine upon you and give you peace.

GOOD NEWS!!

HELLO MY FRIENDS. I KNOW WITH THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT ALL AROUND US, THE LAST THING WE WANT TO THINK ABOUT IS CANCER. THIS UPDATE IS GOOD NEWS. I MET WITH MY ONCOLOGIST TODAY TO FIND OUT THE RESULTS OF THE GENETIC TESTING. DR. GOLDBERG STATED THE TEST CAME BACK AS ME BEING A LOW RISK FOR THE CANCER TO COME BACK. THEREFORE, I DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE CHEMOTHERAPY. ALL I HAVE TO DO IS THE RADIATION TREATMENTS. I WILL TAKE THAT ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. DR. GOLDBERG STATED THE TYPE OF CANCER I HAVE IS CAUSED BY ESTROGEN. I ASK HOW I COULD HAVE ANY ESTROGEN LEFT SINCE I HAD A COMPLETE HYSTERECTOMY YEARS AGO. HE SAID THAT ESTROGEN CAN BE PRODUCED IN OTHER PARTS OF THE BODY,LIKE THE ADRENAL GLANDS. I TOTALLY DID NOT KNOW THIS. I HAVE TO MEET WITH HIM EVERY THREE MONTHS FOR CHECK UPS. HE IS GOING TO START ME ON SOME HORMONES. EARLY TOMORROW MORNING I GO TO DR. BENNET'S OFFICE TO BE MEASURED AND MOLDED TO START MY RADIATION TREATMENTS. I JUST WANT ALL OF THIS DONE SO I CAN THINK ABOUT LIVING AGAIN VS THE ALTERNATIVE. I WILL CONTINUE TO KEEP THIS BLOG UPDATED ABOUT MY JOURNEY. I WILL LET EVERYONE KNOW HOW I DO WITH THE RADIATION. THE BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT WAS WHEN DR. GOLDBERG TOLD ME MY DAUGHTER WOULD HAVE AN AVERAGE CHANCE OF GETTING BREAST CANCER. THAT'S A WHOLE LOT BETTER THAN HER BEING A HIGH RISK FROM SOMETHING HER MOTHER PASSED ON TO HER. I GIVE GOD ALL THE PRAISE FOR HAVING SOME CONTROL OVER THIS CANCER. I KNOW IT WAS BECAUSE OF THE PRAYERS OF ALL MY BLOGGING FRIENDS, AND MY COWORKERS, FAMILY AND FRIENDS. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR PRAYERS AND CONTINUE TO PRAY IF I MAY ASK THAT OF YOU. YOU ALL ARE A TRUE BLESSING TO ME.

Updeat

I went .to my oncologist  on Thursday. He is having some blood work sent for testing to see if I am a risk for the cancer returning.  If  it is determined I am a high to moderate risk for the cancer to return I will have to have chemotherapy. If it comes back as low risk of the cancer returning I will only have to have radiation.
I have been an emotional mess since being dx.  The nurse yesterday was getting some demographics and asking me alot of questions. She ask me the years my children were born, I could not tell her. I knew the day of their birth but could not for the sake me of me figure out the years.
The nurse and tech looked at each other like I was an awful person because I could not remember thier birth years. I tried to figure it out by their  ages, but when I saw the looks on the nurse and tech faces I was an emotional mess and could not answer anything.
 The nurse took me back to the exam room. When she closed the door I broke down in tears. The doctor came in the room and ask me what was wrong. I garbled out I don't remembeed r my children's birth years.  Needless to say he wrote me a script to treat the stress.
I am sure I overreacted or misread the nurse and the tech looking at each other. Brerut it had been and extremely stressful day at work.

Update

To day was my appointment with the radiologist/oncologist. My treatments start in about four to six weeks, I first get a cat scan and then they determine a treatment plan. I know that I will be getting treatment everyday for five weeks on the whole breast and one week on just the site of the lumpectomy.
I go to my Oncologist tomorrow and he will then let me know if I have to chemotherapy. The doctor today seemed to think because of my age and the type of cancer I would proably need chemotherapy as well.  But I will find out more tomorrow. I know there is a specific test which I could not even begin to spell they have to do.
Any way, please continue to remember me in prayer. I feel so blessed to be able to share my journey with you.

Good News!

Good News! I met with my surgeon today. He stated my lymph nodes are clear, no cancer. The next step to this journey is to meet with the oncologist to hear what his recommendations are for my treatment. The cancer that was removed was only one centimeter. Stage 1. If I have to have cancer, I will take this any day.

Update on my Journey

Good Afternoon! I decided I was feeling well enough to update you on the progress of my journey. Firstly however I need to make a disclaimer I have received some feedback about me doing this blog. " your just trying to get sympathy "your not the only woman to have breast cancer" I just want to say, if you don't want to hear about my journey then go visit another blog or don't read my story. I am not trying to bring anyone down, or to gain sympathy, everyone has a story. I am doing this as a way for me to heal. By processing my journey on this blog it makes the journey a little less lonely. I also it will help make someone else who is going through a similar journey feel less alone. Now the Update I went for my pre operation testing last Friday and my Surgery was this past Monday. The surgery went well without complications. I was at the hospital by 7:30 am to start my pre admission process. The first step was to go to the radiology department where they injected my breast with radioactive dye. The technician explained the process. He stated the doctor would give me a local anesthetic to numb the area before he injected the dye. He did , this was the first needle involved for the day. Then he explained that when the doctor injected the dye it would burn. It did. He stated the burning was caused by the fat being separated from the other tissue. To the best of my knowledge, the purpose of the dye injection was to provide my surgeon a map to my lymph nodes. After the dye was injected, I was then transported by my hubby to the woman's center for a mammogram. They proceeded to squash my already sore breast like a pancake. Because I am a member of the itty bitty tittie committee, they had a hard time doing the mammogram. The second part to the mammogram was to once again use a needle to numb my breast just to insert another more permanent needle. Once this needle was inserted it stayed there and I was transported back to the hospital, with a Styrofoam cup over the needle that was inserted into my breast. I was then taken back to radiolgy where the technician spent about an hour taking pictures of the needle attached. I was then transported back to the pre surgery room where the heart monitor and the oxygen finger thing was attached. They also inserted an iv which again was another needle stick. I waited to be rolled back for my surgery. I waited and waited for about four hours with this needle in my breast. The nurse finally told me I had missed my surgery time because the previous processes took so long. The doctor came in also and told me he had an emergency he had to help with which also delayed my surgery. Finally I was taken back to the surgery room. The only thing I remember there was they put me on a table and told me they were giving me medication. I was gone. I came through the surgery just fine. The problem I had was waking up from the anesthesia. That took me about three or four hours per my husbands report. I always have difficulty waking up after surgery so this was no surprise. The doctor came in and talked to me. He stated he has removed some parts of the lymph nodes or the whole node I do not know for sure. He stated the hospital testing did not indicate any cancer in the lymph nodes, They are sending it out to another lab for her testing to be sure. He stated he made sure he got a large area around the cancer and the cancer itself. He allowed me to come home since he did not have to place a drain. I came home to recover. I did not go back to work until this morning. That was a mistake. I had to leave by noon because I was just not doing well at all. A lot of pain and still very weak. I go back to see him on November 5 th. I will get the results of the other test of the lymph nodes. He does not think there is anything to worry about, he just wanted to be sure. I guess I will learn the next step to this journey then. I tell you my friends, I have been truly blessed. This could have been so much more worse. I have a sweet doctor who I work with that is now probably going to die from this terrible disease. She has a very aggressive kind and really giving the battle of her life. You probably noticed the rainbow in the photo above. This photo was taken that Friday that I did my pre admission work. I went to work that morning and this is what I saw as I got out of my car. Rainbows and lets me know he is walking this journey with me. Continue to pray for me and every woman who is suffering from this disease.