Wednesday, October 24, 2012
I went for my follow up with Dr. Nicholson today. I did get good news if any form of cancer can be good news. The other two masses are benign..........Praising God and Jumping all around! He will be doing the lumpectomy next Monday the 29th. He said I would have two incisions one where the lumps are and the other is under my arm to check the lymph nodes. If the lymph nodes are clear, I will just need radiation. Which will follow sometime after I heal from the lumpectomy. There is still a chance the cancer could be in my lymph nodes, but I am praying for the best. I may have to stay in the hospital one night if he has to put in a drain. I will take this news any day!! I should have had more faith. I hold a strong belief that God talks to me through rainbows. Every crisis in my life if things turned out good, rainbows would show up everywhere, I ask for a double rainbow one time and he provided that. This week I was walking a patient down the hall yesterday and one of the doctors came out of her office. She handed me two booklets just out of the blue. She did not explain why or what they were. I just took them back to my office. The one was an inspirational calendar filled with rainbows and healing scriptures. The other booklet was filled with healing quotes and inspriation. The first page of that book had a picture of a big bright rainbow. Sunday afternoon, the sun was shining through our sun room window. I have a crystal picture frame setting on my bookcase. When the sun hit that there were rainbows all over my sunroom and into my family room. This has never happened before. I know some you will say that this is silly, but I have seen this happened all my life when troubles came and the outcome was going to be good or not as bad as I thought. I am praising and thanking God for my rainbows!!
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Today I went back for the second ultrasound. This one was on the right side of my right breast. The ultra sound showed two small masses. Given that I had a cancerous growth on the other side, they biopsied these today. They found one that the MRI did not show. I was somewhat more relaxed today because I knew what to expect. However the pain level was greater. This was because of my breast still being tender from the first biopsy. No one told me not to take my aspirin 81 before this procedure. The doctor was going to postpone my biopsy for five day because the chance of more bleeding. My reply to the doctor was,oh heck no, its going to be done today. I told him I would sign whatever I needed, but I wanted it done today. I did not have to sign anything, I think he felt sorry for me because I was crying my eyes out. The funny thing was I hardly bled at all. The nurse that assisted the doctor, was the nurse who assisted me before. The doctor was different. The little intern was there and a different female nurse. The nurse told the doctor that I was very anxious and would tense up. It was also funny, he told the Dr. you need to be kind to her. The staff were wonderful!! But again I wait. I see Dr.Nicholson next week on Wednesday. He will tell me the results of this biopsy and what is next with my journey.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Good afternoon my friends! Today started out to be a normal day filled with anticipation of what my results would show. Overall I have been handling this breast cancer diagnosis pretty well. I went to work this am like I always do. This morning I stopped by my supervisors office to take him an assessment. He ask me when I was going to fill out my Family Medical Leave forms. I felt no compassion from him, it was all business. I explained I still had personal leave left and when I had almost used that up I would complete the form now. I have been a good employee, I have always gotten super exceeds on all my evaluations. I supervised a team my self until my sarcoidiosis took all my strength. So for him to ask where I was from a business perspective only threw me for a loop. Once again in the scheme of things I am just a number. I prayed on my way home today for me to not judge him. That he had to think only of the business end of it all. I ask God for forgiveness for thinking so selfishly, that it should be all about me. I took a nap before my appointment while waiting for hubby to get home from golf. When he came home we drove to Dr. Nicholson's office. I signed in and again we waited. We did not have to wait very long however , the nurse called us back to the exam room. Once again on goes the little blue cape. My hubby was in the exam room with me, he has been a great support for me. Again we waited. Dr. Nicholson's came in and did the same exam as the last time, ask me some similar questions with a little twist to them. He finally started telling me the results of the MRI. 1. He said that the MRI showed another tumor , lump or whatever just above the cancer that was biopsied. 2. He said it also showed another tumor (whatever) at about 3:00 o'clock that looked suspicious. He said it was just above the mass that showed on the mamaogram that had not changed over the year. 3. He said I could choose to just go ahead and have a full mastectomy. But he suggested I not make that decision just yet. 4. He wants to have a biopsy done on the 3:00 mass. If that shows cancer he said there would be no choice but to have a mastectomy. 5. So again I wait. I am scheduled for another ultra sound on October 19th.Then they will schedule the biopsy. So again I wait. I am trying to be strong, I really am, but admittedly it is getting harder. I don't want to be selfish and think only of me. I want to be strong for my family. I ask that you pray for me, that I maintain control over my emotions for my family and friends sake.