Thursday, October 11, 2012
Good afternoon my friends! Today started out to be a normal day filled with anticipation of what my results would show. Overall I have been handling this breast cancer diagnosis pretty well. I went to work this am like I always do. This morning I stopped by my supervisors office to take him an assessment. He ask me when I was going to fill out my Family Medical Leave forms. I felt no compassion from him, it was all business. I explained I still had personal leave left and when I had almost used that up I would complete the form now. I have been a good employee, I have always gotten super exceeds on all my evaluations. I supervised a team my self until my sarcoidiosis took all my strength. So for him to ask where I was from a business perspective only threw me for a loop. Once again in the scheme of things I am just a number. I prayed on my way home today for me to not judge him. That he had to think only of the business end of it all. I ask God for forgiveness for thinking so selfishly, that it should be all about me. I took a nap before my appointment while waiting for hubby to get home from golf. When he came home we drove to Dr. Nicholson's office. I signed in and again we waited. We did not have to wait very long however , the nurse called us back to the exam room. Once again on goes the little blue cape. My hubby was in the exam room with me, he has been a great support for me. Again we waited. Dr. Nicholson's came in and did the same exam as the last time, ask me some similar questions with a little twist to them. He finally started telling me the results of the MRI. 1. He said that the MRI showed another tumor , lump or whatever just above the cancer that was biopsied. 2. He said it also showed another tumor (whatever) at about 3:00 o'clock that looked suspicious. He said it was just above the mass that showed on the mamaogram that had not changed over the year. 3. He said I could choose to just go ahead and have a full mastectomy. But he suggested I not make that decision just yet. 4. He wants to have a biopsy done on the 3:00 mass. If that shows cancer he said there would be no choice but to have a mastectomy. 5. So again I wait. I am scheduled for another ultra sound on October 19th.Then they will schedule the biopsy. So again I wait. I am trying to be strong, I really am, but admittedly it is getting harder. I don't want to be selfish and think only of me. I want to be strong for my family. I ask that you pray for me, that I maintain control over my emotions for my family and friends sake.